So, last night I had a gross binge-y episode.
I had been planning all day to finally go pick up my new bike (got it for Christmas, rode it once) from my mom’s house and after work, go find a secluded place to re-learn how to ride the damned thing.
SO. I go pick up my bike at lunch and find that my brother has taken the basket off the front. Okay, no big deal. I’ll just put it back on when I find my spot. I go home for a while after work until it cooled down outside. I drive around, looking for a ghostly place where no living soul will witness my humiliation as I re-teach myself how to ride a bike for, I don’t know, the 3RD time in my life. I finally find a little gravel lot off a paved country road and think,”Yes! This is perfect. I can park here, ride my bike up and down this smooth, deserted road, and everything will be good!”
As soon as I pull in, this truck with two redneck crackheads pulls in behind me. I am so pissed. I pull out because they look like belligerent fuckheads and see them do a donut in the gravel behind me, only to pull right back out after me. They turned the other way but I knew I couldn’t go back over there because they would either follow me or fuck with my car while I was out riding my bike.
Exasperated at this point, I keep driving on and on until I pass the cemetery over by where I work and remember what I told FB I was looking for in a riding spot: “A place no living human will ever see my wobbly bike-related activities!” Perfect. I pull in, park at the office in the center of the graveyard, and go to pull my bike out of the back of my van to re-attach my basket to it.
Come to find out: it has gotten super dark by now and there are no lights in the cemetery besides the little solar-powered ones family members of the deceased staked out at their graves, and I can not figure out how to put that stupid little basket on the front of my bike for the life of me! I’m pretty sure my mom didn’t find all the little bolts and washers that hold it in place. I was livid because I had been screwed out of a perfect bike-riding spot when two ignorant shittards leaned on me and won the right to spin donuts on it. Now my dumbass brother had ruined the rest of my ride! I had it all planned out: put new music on my phone (and purged duplicate tracks and old crap I didn’t want surfacing on my shuffle), charged it up all the way, grabbed my cigarettes, and brought two bottles of water with me. I couldn’t take any of that with me without the stupid basket! I was defeated.
I know this sounds stupid but I was overcome with frustration and my determination fled me. I went home after driving around irate, then went to Wal-Mart and bought a bag of kettle-cooked barbecue chips and a king-sized Kit-Kat bar. This morning I was really sick. I’ll spare you the details but it was not fun. So I fixed my breakfast and lunch for work today, making sure I would not make the same mistake again.
-Fresh steamed mushrooms, green beans, and brusselsprouts
-Slice green bell peppers and cucumbers
-1 cup Amy’s vegetable soup
-Will make a piece of wheat toast w/ peanut butter and honey at my mom’s after I run on the treadmill
Yes, the treadmill. On. My. Lunch. Break. I am so sick of my weight fluctuating so much and always feeling bloated and bulgy. I want to be lean and strong, have stamina, be comfortable in a bikini.
I’m going to join a gym on Monday. I’m skipping this weekend because I work nights Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday waiting tables so I wouldn’t be using it until then anyway. I’m ready to work and make better decisions consistently for the first time in my life.
I want to be active, ride my bike, swim, run, hike, dance.. I really, really do. I’ve let my weight hold me back from doing those things because I was embarrassed to start out with everyone looking at me like I was pathetic for even trying to lose weight but I’m over it now.